Tuesday, 21 April 2015

What to do before you call it over with your lover

Most times promising relationships that are capable of producing an everlasting family are broken as a result of improper consideration of what could be the out come. A study has discovered that more
than half of couples ending long-term relationships have regret about their break-up.

It is obvious that things are not working out fine as its expected, either as a result of the fault from a partner or both, but why the break up? Could that solve the problem and are you ready to face whatever the consequence is during and after the break up? These are some of the questions an individual needs to ask and answer him/herself before calling for a break up. Before ending a relationship, try as much as possible to as yourself if:

1. You are just angry for nothing?  Before you make a decision to end that valuable relationship, make sure you’re initiating a breakup for the right reasons. Don’t impulsively call it quits. Slow down and evaluate: Is this decision purely an emotional one?  If at that moment you can't really tell, Wait until you’re calm and can carefully weigh your breakup motivation. It’s easy to give up when you’re exhausted or in the middle of unresolved conflict with your lover.
2. If you can still work things out?  Can you two work it out? Also important, do you want to work it out? Is there anything about this relationship that’s worth salvaging? Even if you’re still unsure about your commitment to the relationship, try to pursue healthy conflict resolution. Talk about your concerns, voice your needs, and apologize for your role in the current situation.

Listen to your partner and respect how he/she is feeling.  If you can resolve — or at least calmly address — conflict, you can better assess the future direction of your relationship. You might discover that you’re both still willing to fight for each other and give the relationship another chance. (But even if you still end things, at least it’s not in the middle of a fight.). To do this check out my po "how to keep an healthy relationship"

 3. Am I jumping to conclusions?  When times get tough and things really go wrong, it’s easy for the mind to call for break up with the intention that, doing that will atleast give you a rest of mind. Don’t get caught up in the “grass is greener” games, concluding that life will be better once you re-enter the land of singleness. Don’t assume your current state of unhappiness is solely the fault of the relationship. (its still possible you will still be unhappy after the break up). Try to take things at face value, not jumping ahead, exaggerating situations, or daydreaming your conflicts away.

4. Is your partner really aware of what you need?  If you initiate a breakup, make sure your partner is aware of what you needed but not ready to give. Try as much as possible what the problem is to your lover Instead of just secretly wishing for change, you might end up pursuing the things you love with your loved one’s enthusiastic support.

Choose communication over cutting him/her off. Communicating transparently with your partner might kick-start a healthier relationship; in the least, it will contribute to a deeper understanding of what’s really causing the relationship’s breakdown.

 5. Are you gonna be better of if he/she is out of your life?  Before you break up with your partner, prepare yourself for what’s next. Things will change. Your housing situation may get complicated. Your social life will change significantly, both in how you spend your time and in whom you spend it with. Your daily routine will no longer be routine.

While the fear of change or the unknown shouldn’t stop you from leaving an unhealthy relationship, ending things before you’ve considered the first few steps pre-breakup can make a sad situation even more stressful and overwhelming.

6. Are you sure you won't regret this? you’re considering the consequences of breaking up, ask yourself if ending the relationship will be something you’ll ultimately regret. Deep down, do you believe you’re giving up too quickly? Do you still believe, deep down, that he’s “the one”? No one wants a “one that got away.”

It should be noted that regret is not the same things as “feeling bad.” Of course you’ll hate to hurt your partner’s feelings, and will be sad to end something you once hoped would last a lifetime. Regret, however, is painful disappointment in yourself for missing out on something that could have been good. It makes moving forward difficult.

7. There is anyone influencing your decision to end the relationship?  Are there friends or family members pushing you toward this decision? Evaluate their motives — they may have identified relationship red flags that shouldn’t be ignored, or they may have selfish, unhealthy reasons for pushing you toward a split — and make sure that you’re at peace with your decision, regardless of outside influences.

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