Tuesday, 30 June 2015

What do men really mean when they said they are not ready?

To matured ladies, nothing is as painful and disappointing as hearing this statement from the very man you so much love and virtually spend all time together talking about how life would be. You are already building up your expectations and creating a wonderful imagination for the future and then - suddenly your dreams are shattered by the statement am not ready for marriage. 

 This post is this first of its kind on this blog, because it is a post that is been specifically demanded for by one of our readers. A lady after experiencing several marriage postponements from her fiance without any tangible reason, she sent me a mail and asked this question "what do men really mean when they said they are not ready"? 

 All these while I've been unable to lay my hand on it until yesterday when all corps members in my local government of primary assignment were summoned at the secretariat for some necessary issues to be discussed. So I used that wonderful opportunity to interview and discussed extensively with twelve matured guys about this and only two ladies were involved just to hear their experience on the topic. Therefore, below is the summary of my findings.

When a man tells you he isn't ready, he is telling you a lot more than you are thinking at present. In short, what he is really trying to tell you is that he is not capable to be committed for now. Commitment in this regards is categorized into two - commitment to building a family and secondly commitment to Marry you.

Commitment to building a family: Men under this category believe in commitment and confidence. A big portion of their sense is tied to their ability to provide - for themselves and for their family. No matter the love, these kind of men will not go into marriage unless they are confident in their ability to give you what you want and what their family deserved.

If they are still uncertain of their ability to provide for and maintain the family, they will completely withdraw and even though you promise support as a wife they will always decline. This is just because, this kind of men take commitment very important. He does not like to set himself up for failure in future which could come up as a result of his inability to provide for the family's need.

Instead of addressing this category of men as been unserious and not been caring enough, why not just try to understand them and assumed they do but at present they are not capable for going into marriage? Alternatively, you can still talk and get them convinced that everything will be alright. While doing that, please don't look or sound aggressive like you just needed the marriage as urgent as possible. Believe me if you implore the right techniques he will surely change his decision because he also love you and won't want to lose you to someone else.

He can provide but not ready for marriage commitment with you: It is not new nowadays to see a well grown up man, who is financially and emotionally stable insisting he is not ready for marriage. Everyone keeps wondering why is he still wasting your time despite all the years you've spent dating eachother  and he is seen to be well living within an attractive source of income without any family problem from any angle.

Normally, what quickly comes to our mind is, what the he'll does that means? especially coming from a guy in his late thirties or early forties. What could make a man of such age and financial strength not ready for marriage? What I observed was that, when such a man summoned his courage and informed you of is lack of readiness, certainly a lot more than that is in his mind. It could either be that, he thought and believe you two are not compatible, he is already planning to settle down with someone else or there is a family pressure on him either not to marry you or to marry another preferred lady. Gham!

So please don't be surprised, if such a man who cancelled your relationship claiming he will not be ready for marriage in the next five years, eventually got married with another woman three months after he broke up with you. That is normal if you have foreseen it.

My opinion is this, ladies should change their impression whenever they heard such a story or excuse from guys, you should think beyond the face value of the message and assumed such a man has another hidden reasons which he don't want to disclose. Doing this will go a long way in giving you some relief and think over it. It is now the issue of personal decision as to whether to wait for him or not as I can only tell you the likely hidden factors he is not telling you. I hope this is helpful?

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4 comments:

  1. It is very helpful..Thanks for sharing. Men are just too insatiable. It takes the grace of God for one to please them

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  2. Good piece. Men like to be able to provide, protect and procreate. Without the first two, the man won't feel man enough to settle down. Some men are exceptions tho

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  3. Yea...there are some who are exceptional. They actually don't see family responsibilities as something of importance to them.

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