Tuesday, 25 August 2015

How To Develop Interest In Relatioship Again After Betrayal

Some times the thought of been in love becomes scary due to our previous failed relationship's experience. The fear to love again which one experiences after the first betrayal could be due to the bad experience in our last love affairs. 

For some people, even several years after the terrible break up, the fear of going into another relationship still arrest them any time they are given a reason to love again. The fear or the source of this fear may not really be how the relationship ended up rather, it may the way they were so much hurt when it happened.

Most times after an infidelity, or betrayal of trust by that special person you so much love, one tends to wonder if he/she would find someone to love and trust again. Leaving you with the feeling of been destined to live alone. So the whole idea of loving and caring for someone is really impossible in your heart.

We Are Different In Nature And Mindsets

In this context, let me categorize us into two groups:

1) Those who give up on love easily: Let me give you an instant to explain our different ways of perceiving break up and betrayal. Just yesterday, one of my online pals had a break up on the ground that her boyfriend cheated on her. 

She then concluded that, she needs not going into any relationship again because she may get betrayed again. She claimed that, as far as these young Nigerian guys are concerned, “There is no trustworthy and responsible guy out there,”  

Actually her fear was that, a guy may look nice and responsible when making a proposal, but she is sure he is going to cheat when the relationship finally commenced. This is the nature of fear in many people's hearts after betrayal. They are those who easily give up on love.

2) The Never give up types: On the same vain, someone else may face the same break up or even in a more terrible way. Yet such person will still have the belief that he/she will meet a good man/woman who will be reliable. It is in these people's beliefs that. 

There are plenty of great, honest, and responsible men/women in Nigeria believing that they just need to meet the right person when the time comes. They always look forward to meeting who will really love them.

The reality is this...
I told my online friend that apart from the horrible break up, she is possibly a kind of negative self-beliefs human being in nature. People with the kind of I can't attitude. I can't do this, I can't make that. Thinking they are not just good in this and that. Or claiming they have ill luck and that's why they've never find real love.

People with this kind of attitude always see the negative aspects of relationship. These negative fears then takes the position of their minds. While it may seem like these fears are the result of the betrayal they just had, but is not. They are just negative in nature and it always make them decide not to love again.

Ways To deal With Negative Attitude To Love

In case you belong to this category of people, I advised you to follow the following few steps to deal with it.

1) Let go of your negative thought about getting a real lover: You must do away with the following feelings:
  • that you are not good enough for your partner, even though he/she doesn’t think that way
  • that your partner doesn’t love you enough, even though he/she has always been loving towards you
  • Fear that your partner is going to leave you one day, even though there are no signs that the relationship is going wrong
  • that you will loose him/her someday
  • that your partner is hiding something from you, even though he never lie to you.
Try as much as possible to do away with all these feelings.

2) Work to develop positive thoughts about love: You need to be positive about love. The best way to do this is by having a positive self-talk regarding love. Always make reference to those married couple who are living and experiencing an healthy relationship. 

Think of becoming like them some day. Take a few moments each day to look at yourself in the mirror and say something positive about love. You can say something that you believe about love or something that you would like to believe about love. Say to yourself:
  • I am worthy of been loved and cared for.
  • I must have an healthy loving relationship someday.
  • Love is a beautiful thing.
If you do this successfully, You negative impression about loving again will change and you gonna get thousands of reason to love again and again.

I hope this helps?


  1. Excellent post! As often as you get heartbroken get up and try again. Love is beautiful.

    what would you do if found in this situation?

  2. Betrayal in relationship is what I don't ever pray to experience because it's not always easy putting yourself back together when it happens. Thanks for sharing Uthman

  3. It's always hard to love again after a terrible heart break. It takes only a determined mind to fall in love. I used to salute my friends who jump back to anor relationship after a major heart break. It took me years to love again.

    1. That's why we are different in nature...some can easily think over it and move on'


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