Monday, 3 August 2015

The stigma of been single for too long as a lady

shame of been single,
stigma of been single
Last Saturday was exactly two years when my most intimate female friend Folashade finally got married to the love of her life. Four months prior to that special wedding, it hard to believe that, she had no boyfriend, admirer, toaster, fiance or whatever you may call it. She was 29 plus at that time, without any hope of getting married any time soon.
She is a pretty and intelligent lady, who at 22, she was already done with her masters program in sociology. Not only that, she started working and into her personal business at the age of 24.

As lucky as you could think she was, she had never been into any serious relationship all her life. The highest she ever had was a relationship that lasted for just 3 weeks and that was even in her 100level days in the University.

All this while, it was never a problem to her until when she turned 29 and the intimidation was too much for her to bear...From her experience, I got to know that there are thousands of stigma attached to single-hood. Every situation around her was intimidating, her parents, her colleagues and even the societal factors contributed. 

Her situation became worst when her two immediate younger sisters both got married at the age of 24 and 27 respectively. Her been the first daughter was left at home with the last child of the family who happened to be a male. She became so disturbed. She is really older than me, but she took me just like her own brother and a friend-so she confide in me, so she always tell me what she was going through.

She was subjected to critics and negative judgement from everyone around her. Here are some of the stigma she was left to deal with and it's also common to all single ladies who are seen to have past a marriageable age in our society.

1) You have too high expectation: Nobody want to believe she was just taking her time to make a good choice among guys. As a single lady, the moment they felt you've past the marriageable age, it becomes everyone's belief that your expectation are too high. They won't believe you want to settle down with a compatible guy but instead assume you are after material wealth to make a choice. 

My friend was so much disappointed when her own mother advised her on her last birthday that, she should lower her too high expectation, if she want to get a reasonable guy. To her, it was a wrong advice, because it has never been in her plan.

2) Fear of been finally rejected: This one is more of inner critics, that many single ladies are left with. It's a well known fact that a woman is mostly been appreciated at her 20s. That's when she looks more attractive to guys and everybody will want to be around her. If by error she remain single by 30 or above, without any serious relationship to result to marriage soon. Then this would resort to tension and fear in her mind. 

It is because, there is an high likelihood that she would be depreciated, and less men will appreciate her compared to when she was at 20s. At this age, her numbers of admirer will reduce and she will start feeling lonely. This is contrary to guys situations, whose by 30s and above, they are still very eligible. She was to be faced with this problem, each time she remember the pressure of getting someone, because female fertility is said to decrease from age of 30s.

3) You loose your self worth: Here in Africa, we reserve a high cultural and societal values for marriage. Any single who is worthy of been married but refused will not be respected as he/she ought to be. People and the society lessen your value and worth just because they felt you have stayed too long to get married. Single-hood for too long, make them believe you are undesirable, and assume there is something definitely wrong with you. They don't care what your plan is, all they want is your marital life. It's their believes that, been single is a decision you took personally, and they must get you frustrated to change your mind about it.

The above were some of the stigmas she had to deal with, before she finally got married few months before her 30th birthday. So as a lady don't be intimidated because you are yet to marry, make good decision and outline what you want in your marriage before rushing yourself for it, with a wrong man.

I hope this help?

Sharing in Caring...Kindly share this with others.


  1. I will always advice spinsters to ignore the hateful words used against them by the society because they're still single despite attaining a particular age bracket. Love yourself and refuse to be intimidated. Marriage is not the ultimate in life. Just like Folashade, your time will surely come

  2. I believe marriage involves the two people going on the journey together. People who tell yu all sorts because they want you to marry would not be there if things don't turn out right and even if they are going to be there trust me I am not sure they will be coming what the good words. So my advice to all ladies in waiting, please do not let people's words lead you into doing what you do not like. Remember it is not about them, it is about your forever.

    Nice article Uthman.

    1. That's a special contribution to this post. thanks

  3. So true, I was gifting with my friend during the Sallah break.and she said when a girl reaches age 30 and not married, desperation sets in.its not easy at all . especially when your friends are getting married or are married.
    I believe there is a man for every woman. It's a matter of time and chance

  4. Patience!!! It's not easy though.

    I nominated you for the Versatile Blog Award.


We love to hear your opinion on this...kindly use the comment box. Thanks.