Tuesday, 1 September 2015

How To Confront Your Spouse About Problems

How to solve family problem
As I was going through my favorite blogs early this morning. One of the blog readers asked for a constructive advice on how to confront her husband on a suspected issue of cheating. When I went through several advises offered by readers, I was let with no other option than to smile and log out.

If I may ask you, how will you approach your spouse when you notice any trait of him/her cheating on you? Remember, you are not out to create problem. 

It is normal that, after a period of time,  couples may have some misunderstanding in marriages. Sometimes it becomes so difficult for any of the couple to even have an idea on how to start addressing this issue without causing further problem at home. 

However, leaving such a serious issue undiscused could lead to another set of trouble in future. This is because, ignoring marital problems encourages the root of bitterness to grow up in the hearts of married couples.

Yet, conflict is said to be inevitable among families, and the ways families choose to resolve it matters most. Any family who peacefully resolve conflict, its members will live happier since they understand one another differences.
The other family who leave its conflict  unresolved, is at the risk of leading the family to destruction. This is because couples harboring anger, growing resentful and trying to force other family members ( Children) to take sides with them. This will finally divide the family.
This problem only gets worse when there is one spouse who avoids conflict at all costs. However conflict resolution is a part of marriage and in those instances. 

Follow the following steps to talk to your spouse about problems

1) Be Determined To Discuss It: Most times in marriage, it takes determination to challenge your lover about a certain issue. It may keep bothering your mind for a very long time and yet you feel like not talking about it. This happen because of some unknown fear.

You don't want it to affect your home, and yet you can't leave it except it keep getting you down emotionally. So the first thing to do, is  to make up your mind to ask your partner about it and no going back about this decision.

2) Confirm the source of your information: Now that you've determined  to discuss it, kindly assess yourself, and find out your own role in what you want to talk about. And also, find out the reliability of the source from which you got your information. For instance, do you just felt he/she cheats? someone told someone that they saw her handing around? Or you caught him/her yourself?

To avoid unnecessary problem, you don't confront your partner on a baseless issue otherwise it will lead to lack of trust for one's partner. So be sure you are talking about this issue because its real.
2) Be Mindful: At this time, the way you present your issue matters. The married woman who suspected her husband going out with her cousin, asked if she could go ahead and inform her mother-in-law. Or she should even go straight to the other woman's husband and report, that her husband is dating his wife.

Honestly you don't handle issues like that, all you need to do is to present the issue to your partner. And how you present it matters. You don't confront him with such issue when you know he is exhausted with his work and he is just home to relax.

You don't confront him when you see something more serious is actually eating him up.Just look for a time when is calm and relaxed to talk about this. You don't need to present this like a joke, and am not telling you to turn it to fight.

3) Be Respectful: In presenting your case despite the fact that you felt the person has done wrong, you still have to present the issue with respect You don't present the case to ridicule him, either among his/her friends or in the extended family.

Even on a normal day, couples respecting each other speaks volumes of love that can bring conviction and repentance to the heart of your spouse.

You respect them not because of what they’ve done or who they are, but rather because they are are the people you are to live with. When you present you issue with respect, he tends to listen more and give you a better responds.

4) Don't doubt him/her: There is a high possibility that he will want to respond to your allegation immediately. Whatever he said, you don't have to accuse him of lying.

Remember you've already confirm the source of your information and you are so sure about it. Yet you don't have to shout at him and call him names for telling you lies.

He love and respect you that's why he is trying to defend himself with lies in his own way. Just kindly accept his explanation, and tell him what will be your next action if you find out such thing continues.

But if you shout at him and call him a liar, you are giving him the opportunity to change the subject of discussion, and capitalize on your lack of respect for him and the marriage.

5) Be Forgiving: If he accepted, and promise to stop to repent immediately, you need to forgive him. Choosing to forgive your spouse of past infractions will help bridge communication more easily. Forgive him, and let him know you will completely forget about it, if he desist from it completely.

6) Be Loving: After the whole conversation, you still have to show him love. You don't need to start treating him like irrelevant in the house. If you do so, he may be forced to do what he promised not to again.

Love your spouse unconditionally. It’s unloving to let an unresolved issue continue to fester in your marriage and build strongholds that will take years to tear down.

I hope this helps?
Kindly share this with others.


  1. Good insight here...are you married cos your posts comes with so much wisdom.

    The hottest and most inspiring couple of the week.

  2. i agree with all the point listed out.

  3. Woow! Uthman you're really doing a great job here. Well done


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